Deep-Pocketed Sheets

By Dana Stovern
Written May 9, 2022
Selah, Washington
From the Autumn of 2021 to May of 2022

I was living full-tilt through the meltdown of my life with a divorce, house sale, and move. My life had dramatically shifted from the COVID-19 hermit inertia of two years to everything blowing apart at the seams. In the middle of the daily swirls, I began dreaming of the “freshie” that my new living space could be . . . somewhere, out there on the horizon. To help keep that dream alive, I allowed myself the luxury of browsing for “freshie” new sheets on Amazon, because nothing says a fresh start like fresh sheets.

I browsed Amazon, dreaming of richly colored auburns in bamboo to carry me through autumn. I dreamed of downy flannel, all cozy in deep blues with bright white snowflakes to wrap around me for warmth in the depth of winter. I dreamed of crisp white cotton flowered up with blossoms to enliven me in the spring.

As I dreamed that most wonderful “freshie” dream of sheets, a phrase kept popping up on the Amazon descriptions: deep-pocketed sheets. Deep-pocketed sheets. Deep-pocketed sheets. I wondered, “Hmm, what is this mystery of deep-pocketed sheets that I’ve never heard about before?” You see, I’ve been retail-deprived living on Colorado’s back forty and just don’t pay attention to these things. As it turned out, I was living so deeply in my “freshie” sheet dreams that I easily fell into thinking, “I must have these deep-pocketed sheets” because they just sounded so delicious. And the deep pockets of sheets became part of this freshie dream about sheets. Never mind I had no idea what that meant.

Do you hear the Universe laughing? Hold that thought. We’ll come back to it.

Shortly after I planned out my seasonal purchase of “freshie” sheets, a nice and tidy package arrived on my doorstep just in time for me to label the box in big bold letters, “NEW SHEETS!” and I tucked them away in storage. I didn’t pull out even one of those sheet sets. Nope. Not one. That package was for the other end of the dream when it was time to set up my “freshie” bed set.

With a great deal of faith, I sent my box of “freshie” sheets with all my other belongings into the maelstrom of the moving industry that exists in our country today. I rolled the dice, hoping and thinking everything would be fine, and played Russian Roulette with my personal belongings. Two months and lots and lots of drama later, I miraculously received my personal belongings after sleeping on an air mattress for that amount of time, rolling around in very old sheets. I was not, I repeat, I was NOT living the “freshie” dream I had hoped.