My two dogs looked at me, worried, like, “Momma, are they going to come through the wall?” I certainly hoped not because the cement retaining wall blocks they were building with certainly could easily double as a wrecking ball hanging from the backend loader with those heavy-duty chains keeping them suspended midair. Now, I see that it was such a powerful metaphor for what it feels like when you’re in the creation zone. Sometimes it’s hard to tell the difference between what is being created or destroyed and the tools that can be used either for creation or destruction.
I returned to my office, praying that my protective light bubble and my Spirit Team in and around my unit would keep me in safety but realized probably not a whole lot of peace. This absolutely amplified the sense of my life coming undone, the loneliness, the fact the movers still have not showed up with my stuff, and my empty unit. And I knew this lack of peace would last for days as the new retaining wall, built to a similar scale as the other retaining wall on the property, was not small.
My Spirit Team wasn’t joking when they said, “This is the place we need you to be. The first several months will be hard, and things won’t go well. And then it’ll turn, and your trajectory will improve, and it’ll go really well.” Evidently, this is the hard part, and not to mince any words, I let a few cuss words fly.
As I sat back down at my computer and reopened my screen, I found myself looking at one of the websites I’m currently rebuilding. And one of the posts I had just put up after dismantling a bunch of old articles read loudly in bold letters, “THIS SITE IS UNDER RECONSTRUCTION – STAY TUNED.” I read it. I re-read it, truly seeing it. Paused. And then split a gut laughing.
Hah! Bwahahaha!
That’s when it hit me that the outer environment of my life was directly reflecting my inner journey. I truly am in the throes of a deep deconstruction moving into a deep reconstruction to rebuild, with new foundations, my life and my business.
And with a construction crew personally building the foundations of a retaining wall in the back of my unit (foundational backbone), this could not be a more accurate reflection of what is happening in my life right now.
So, fellas, with that perspective, make sure you get the ground settled just right. Make sure you level the hell out of those cement blocks. Make sure you get the rock drainage system in for proper water flow. Make sure you get the curves and angles of the wall in solid.
Because this baby’s gotta go the distance for me in a really, really big way. I have one really good shot to make this work. Make all the noise you want.
Dana Stovern is founder and coach of The Magic of Somatic Money, and author of the blog Along the Learning Curve of Life. Even though her profession is body-based money relationship coaching, her first love is words, writing and exploring the depths of the human conscious (or unconscious) condition in body and soul development.